Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
