we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
