i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
