omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
