The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
