why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
