Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Where is the hickey?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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