If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
