I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
