I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
