i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
