I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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