Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
