my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
