Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
