Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
