somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
