is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
