I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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