I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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