I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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