At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
