I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
