i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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