I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
