he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
