yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
