allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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