I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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