sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
