Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she peed on how many people?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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