You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
