So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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