i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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