therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
