i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
