I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
