piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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