did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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