I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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