What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
