My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
