you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
