Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
