I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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