When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
