She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
