I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
