He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
