She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
