Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
