Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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