sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
