Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
