Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
