we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
