Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
