We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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