So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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