this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
