You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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