I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Randomize
