Sober January is a disaster.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's rum buckets o'clock
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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