weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
