He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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