So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
