So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
