One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
