I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
