People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
