Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
