party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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