escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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