I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
