Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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