You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
