I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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