About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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