You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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